Getting What You Want
by Scarlet Tabby
Summary: Taking place after "Ron and Diane," Ron and Tammy have another run-in, but things are different this time. The Swansons try to finally make their relationship work, despite the various bumps in the road.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: This idea popped into my head and wouldn't go away until I put it on paper. 20,000 words later, I've got a story that I'm really proud of. The timeline of the story jumps around a lot, so pay attention to the italicized time markers. Also, the story is in 7 roughly equal parts for the simple reason that I didn't really want to upload 20,000 words in one go.

The story takes place roughly two months after the events of the episode "Ron and Diane," and uses information from lots of different parts of Parks and Recreation. I love Ron and Tammy, and I want them together. And for those of you who don't know, Nick Offerman and Megan Mullally (the actors who play Ron and Tammy) are married in real life and I met them and they are seriously the cutest couple ever.

Anyway, please read and review. I'd love to hear your thoughts! Enjoy!

**Getting What You Want**

_Saturday Afternoon_

Ron Swanson was sad. On the outside, he didn't look any different than when he wasn't sad, but he was sad all the same. It was the end of yet another failed romance. Ron was starting to think that he couldn't have a successful relationship at all. He and Diane just couldn't make it work, so here he was, walking into JJ's Diner to drown his sorrows in meat.

He sat down and ordered the aptly named Swanson Special. The enormous plate arrived with a T-Bone steak, scrambled eggs, and a heaping helping of bacon. The day immediately improved. But suddenly, Ron felt a tingle through his body. It made him both nervous and aroused. It could only mean one thing.

"Tammy," he growled.

The petite brunette sat down across from him in the booth by the window. "Hi Ron," she said tentatively.

"It's been a while."

"Yeah it has. How have you been?" she asked. Her pretty face looked at him with genuine concern which was, in all honesty, freaking him out.

"In case you want to ruin my happiness, I'm afraid you're too late. I've had a crap day, and I'm not in the mood for any of your filth."

"I'm so sorry, Ron. What happened?"

There was no trace of sarcasm, condescension, or mockery. It was unlike Tammy. She wanted something. She always wanted something. But Ron couldn't imagine what it could be.

Ron didn't answer. He just stared at her with that adorable mix of confusion and fear. Tammy had to try not to laugh. It was so Ron. But if she was going to get what she wanted, there was no room for anything other than honesty in this conversation, especially on Tammy's part.

Tammy decided to take advantage of Ron's silence. After all, as long as they weren't yelling, it wouldn't end up with their naked bodies tangled together. Again, she had to suppress a smile. "Anyway, I came here because I want to talk to you. I know we always say we're going to talk and it never ends well, so I wanted to really try this time. I don't know what's been going on with you, although I'd like to, and I know you have no idea what I've been through. I've been out of town for a month or so, and I've realized some things. Do you think we could go somewhere private? Maybe to your house?"

Ron's gaze shifted from Tammy's face to his plate of glorious food. This time, Tammy did laugh. "Ok, finish your Swanson Special. I know I'm making you uncomfortable, so I'll just have a cup of coffee at the counter. Just please don't leave without me. We both know that if you try to escape, I'll find you."

He gave a curt nod, noting her amused smile and the strange sentimentality that sparkled in her eyes. She stood up and walked over to the counter of the diner as she said she would, leaving Ron to his meal.

_Monday Morning_

The next day, Ron walked into the Parks department with his head down, acknowledging no one as went right into office and sat down. Donna noticed him come in and realized what was happening. She went to talk to Tom.

"Tommy. We got a problem."

Tom Haverford turned to face where she stood in the doorway of the office he shared with Leslie Knope. Leslie was at a City Council meeting, so he had the office to himself today. "What's up, Donna? Aw man! Did will. send back my gift basket?"

"No. It's Ron. He's acting weird."

"Ron's a weird guy, Donna. One time he told me that he appreciated the craftsmanship of a flight of stairs."

Donna shook her head. "I mean weird for Ron. He just came in looking ashamed. Which is an emotion. Which is not like Ron Swanson."

"Maybe he's just upset. Didn't he and Diane just break up?"

She gave a smug smile. "Did I mention he's wearing the Tiger Woods?"

Tom's eyes went wide. Tiger Woods wears a red shirt and black pants whenever he feels invincible. Ron wears the same thing after he has sex. "Wait, and he's not laughing and giving people money and stuff?"

"Nope. The man just walked up in here hanging his head like a dog."

Both Tom and Donna were speechless for a moment. They had no idea what to do about Ron. Obviously he had sex, and it was good enough that he wore the Tiger Woods, but if he wasn't in his usual post-coital happy mood, something was very wrong with this situation. They just didn't know what.

"Hey guys. Is there a problem? Anything I can do?"

Tom sighed and snapped, "No Jerry, get out!"

Jerry Gergich's sweater-vest clad form slumped back to his desk, leaving his coworkers with their troubles. None of them noticed Ron Swanson in his office, replacing his framed photograph of a plate of breakfast food with its former occupant, a pretty brunette holding a plate of breakfast food. As he did so, he thought that perhaps soon he could replace this picture with the one he took this morning of Tammy smiling in his kitchen as she cooked his bacon.

_Saturday Evening_

"Ok Tammy. We're at my house, alone, as you requested. What do you want from me?" Ron asked.

Tammy looked around the living room of the house they once shared. "It's different. You've changed a lot. I haven't been here since I moved all my stuff out."

"I had to scrub the walls to get the stench of evil whore out of the place."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh real nice, Ron." Tammy took a deep breath. She couldn't get mad. She couldn't rise to his taunts. It would only end in a rage and passion-induced session of lovemaking that would undoubtedly ruin what it was she was working for. "Can we please just sit and talk? I can make you dinner if you want."

Ron sat at the edge of his old, boring brown leather sofa. "I just had a Swanson Special. I'm good on food for a while. What do you want, Tammy?" He was starting to get annoyed. It wasn't like her to waste time like this. He was used to being seduced (which, with Tammy, wasn't hard) or else manipulated in some other way. This wasn't any of that. She was stalling. She was nervous. For the first time, there was a crack in that tough, crazy veneer that was Tammy Swanson.

Tammy cautiously sat down at the other end of the sofa, making sure to leave a lot of space between them. She crossed her arms, pulling her black cardigan sweater tighter around her as though it were armor protecting her vulnerable areas.

"Ron, I want to ask if you're seeing anyone. I don't think it would be right for me to say what I need to say if you've got a girlfriend. I don't want to ruin another one of your relationships."

He had to laugh. "Since when? You've tried to run off every woman I've been with since we got divorced!"

"Just answer the question, Ron."

Ron sighed. "No. Diane and I broke up this morning. You met Diane when you tried to seduce me at the woodworking awards dinner."

"She was nice. I'm sorry it didn't work out."

There it was again. Actual sincere compassion and sympathy. Ron had no idea what to do with that. Tammy wasn't usually one to have goodness lurking anywhere in her lack of a soul.

"Did you have something to say other than asking my relationship status?"

Tammy took a deep breath. This was it. She had no excuse to back out. It was now or never. "Yeah. I know this is going to sound really stupid, especially coming from me, but I want you back, Ron. I want to have a real try at a relationship. Our marriage sucked, but I've recently been forced to do a lot of thinking and I've realized some things about myself and how I feel about you." She looked straight at him with an honest pleading in her warm brown eyes.

Ron's eyes went wide. He was waiting for her to laugh and say she was joking and then come at him with a knife or something. That was expected. This was not.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" he asked, still too surprised to say anything else.

"No, I'm not. I've realized that all I've ever wanted was you. I wanted you to give me what I wanted, do what I wanted. I wanted you to want me for the sheer sake of having that power over you. But it all boils down to the fact that I want you. And I want to try something I've never done before: I want to make you happy. I care about you and what you want, and not just how that affects me. You are the only man I've ever loved, Ron. And I've never stopped loving you. I understand if you can't believe that, but I hope you'll give me the chance to try to show you."

Ron was utterly bewildered. He blinked rapidly before answering, "Tammy, we can't be together. We know that. We fight like cats and dogs, and we screw like rabbits on crack, and it's insane. That kind of insanity isn't good for either of us."

"But I want to try to have a relationship that's different than that. And to be honest, the insanity is all my doing. I do crazy things, and I make you do crazy things. I'd like to believe that if I work at it, we can have something different, something healthy and…I don't know…nice." She shrugged her shoulders and gave a small smile. She hoped so much that he would be receptive to what she said. For the first time in a long time, possibly ever, she was being completely honest with him. Part of her brain told her to shut her stupid mouth and just mount him like a rodeo bull, but that wouldn't really be a good beginning to this (hopefully) new phase in their relationship.

Ron put his face in his hands and groaned. "What made you do this now? Are you on drugs or something?"

She laughed. "No, although they did try. It's like I said, Ron. I've done a lot of soul-searching recently, and this is what I got when I came out the other side."

"I don't know if I can ever believe that you'll change. We've got plenty of wonderful anecdotal evidence that proves otherwise."

"And don't I know it. Don't worry, Ron. I know exactly what I've done every step of the way in regards to you and me. I've made a series of very deliberate choices. Some of them were very bad, but they were my choices nonetheless. And I'll understand if you don't want to give this a shot, although I really hope you do. I'll give you some time to think it over." She stood up and slung her purse over her shoulder. "I'll leave my number on the notepad by the toaster. I can show myself out.

Tammy smiled as she jotted down her phone number on the pad. They had a hell of a fight fairly early on in their marriage when she had insisted that they needed a notepad and that it should be by the toaster. Ron said it should be by the sink, closer to where the telephone hung on the wall. She had insisted that it would just get wet by the sink and completely undermine the point of having a pad of paper in the kitchen to begin with. And where was the notepad now, years after Tammy had moved out? By the toaster, right where it belonged. No matter what Ron said, there was a part of him that would always take her views into consideration.

For a while after Tammy left, Ron remained seated on his couch, thinking. It wasn't even his couch. She had bought it for their house from a consignment store. It was faded and worn when they got it, and time had not improved its appearance. But the couch was comfortable and there was no sense in getting rid of a perfectly functional sofa, so Ron kept it after she left. With a small smirk, he recalled the countless occasions they had gone from a screaming match in this living room to the hottest sex imaginable on this couch. Good times.

That made Ron realize the one thing he had always known but never wanted to acknowledge: he and Tammy had something that he never experienced with anyone else. And not just sexually, although no other woman could do what she could. No matter how often they fought and no matter what ridiculous antics they got into, Ron and Tammy had a connection unlike any other. Sure, she made him crazy. Sure, she was an insane psycho bitch a lot of the time. She didn't deny it. But Ron Swanson was never happier than when he was with Tammy. It was only when they were apart that he would realize the idiocy of what she did to his life. Could she really change that? Could she even change at all?

Maybe it was the recent breakup with Diane, or maybe it was the weird sincerity of the conversation he and Tammy had just shared, but something made Ron get up off the couch and walk over to the notepad by the toaster. On it was a note in that familiar elegant script:

_I hope you'll let me show you how great we can be._

_464-7319_

With a smile, he picked up the phone. "Hey, it's me. Didn't you offer to cook me dinner? Because I'm starting to get hungry."


	2. Chapter 2

_Tuesday Afternoon_

Leslie Knope got off the phone and frowned. This wasn't good. In no way could this be good. She had to do something.

"Tom, I've got an errand to run. You're in charge until I get back."

Tom frowned. "Where are you going?"

"I need to find Ron. It could be a matter of life or death." Leslie grabbed a set of keys from back of a drawer in her filing cabinet.

"Oh damn. Should I be worried?" Tom asked.

"I'm not sure yet. I'll let you know." She turned and dashed out the door without another word.

Tom sat in the empty office and shrugged. "Ok then! I'll just be here, running the Parks Department!" He muttered under his breath, "Yeah, cuz I totally know how to run a freaking department. There's six items on the calendar today. No one cares but me. And I don't even care. Oh well. At least Ron will be happy that nothing got done today." He stood up from his desk and went into the main department office. "Donna, I'm gonna go get a massage and some froyo. I'll see you later."

All the way in her car, Leslie tried to calm herself down. She didn't know what she was going to find, but it wasn't going to be good or pretty or nice. She had to prepare for the worst.

Ron's car was the only one in the driveway. That was probably good. Or it could be bad. Or it could mean nothing at all. It was one of those.

Leslie inserted the correct key into the lock of the front door and entered the house. She had never been in there before. It was nice. No sign of chaos yet. That was a good thing. Or it could mean that the worst was coming.

She wandered the house, feeling more and more nervous as she went. Finally she reached the bedroom. Leslie opened the door and screamed.

_Saturday Night_

Tammy returned to Ron's house after picking up some ingredients at Food N Stuff. After all, Ron's fridge held eggs, sausage, beer, and barbecue sauce. This was all perfectly acceptable to Ron, but not quite conducive to a romantic meal.

Ron opened the front door for her and helped carry the grocery bags into the kitchen. "So what are we having, and can I grill something?"

She rolled her eyes. "No grilling. I'm doing all the work. You can just sit back and pour us each a drink and maybe keep my company while I cook."

With a smile, he quickly brought in a bottle of Lagavulin and two glasses. He poured her a small amount, not knowing if this new personality she was trying out allowed her to drink. She downed it in one swallow and held out the glass for more.

"Oh come on Swanson. I wanted a drink, not a sippy cup!" she teased.

"I just don't want you to think I'm trying to get you drunk. You said you wanted us to try to be different, so I'm trying to help."

Tammy smiled. "I appreciate that. But the only difference between me drunk and sober is a little bit of dizziness. I'm crazier sober than I've ever been after a couple drinks. Except this one party in college. I drank three Solo cups full of what I think was green gin. I may or may not have slept with an entire frat house and possibly sold my hair to a creepy guy in the corner. Either way, I woke up two days later with a shaved head and a nasty case of crabs." She turned back to the stove where she was sautéing some green beans.

Ron frowned. "Are those vegetables?"

"You don't have to eat them if you don't want to. I think they're delicious so I'll have some. I do wish you'd try a little green in your diet. But this is America, and you're free to clog your arteries if that's what you want to do."

He smiled. It was sorta strange how well she knew him. Just for that, he decided he would try a couple of beans.

They sat down to dinner an hour later with plates of chicken parmesan, sautéed green beans, and fresh garlic bread. Their lighthearted conversation ceased as Ron wolfed down every scrap of food he was given. Tammy ate at a reduced speed, watching happily as her man devoured the meal she prepared for him.

Ron looked up at her. "Is there…?"

Tammy pointed behind her. "In the pan on the counter. I made extra, so if there's any leftovers, you can microwave them during the week."

He stood up and got a second and third helping of chicken.

"I'm glad you like it, Ron," Tammy said as he sat down with more food.

He nodded. "Chicken is one of the lesser proteins, but this is surprisingly good. I don't think you've ever cooked for me before."

Tammy smirked. "You were always more argumentative when you were hungry, so if I was mad at you before dinner, I would tell you there wasn't anything in the house. As soon as you left to forrage, I would make something for myself. Sometimes I would cook something really delicious so the smell of it would torture when you got back."

"Well aren't you a delight?"

She laughed. "I was awful to you, Ron. And I really didn't need to be. But you just made me so mad! And I know exactly how to destroy you when I want to."

Ron blinked, not wanting to make any sudden movements. Scary Tammy was making an appearance.

"But that's not what I want to do anymore, Ron. I told you that I want us to start over and have things be better. I'm gonna be better."

Instead of responding, Ron redirected his attention at his plate, eating two more helpings by the time Tammy finished her first. She cleared their plates and started the unenviable task of cleaning the kitchen.

"Hey Ron, why don't you put on some music while I wash the dishes?"

Something about Tammy doing such a domestic task as washing dishes was just so innocent and beautiful that Ron couldn't help but smile. "Why don't you sing me something?"

She stopped and turned around to look at him suspiciously. "How do you know I sing?"

Ron tried to hide his grin. "I notice things too. You used to sing all the time when you thought I wasn't around. You sing in the shower and when you do laundry and when you clean."

Tammy smiled and used the back of her wrist to push her glasses back up her nose.

Ron didn't break eye contact with her, although he might have been on shaky ground at this point. He smirked and said, "See? I know you too. I'm just not evil and use it against you."

She scoffed and returned to washing dishes. Ron stayed his ground and waited. After a couple moments of awkward silence, she started to hum a little. A minute later, she began properly singing. It was an old jazz standard, As Time Goes By, which Ron should not have recognized. Ron didn't know the tune, but Duke Silver did. But that would stay under wraps for a while.

It was utterly incredible. Ron could hardly believe that it was Tammy who was singing sweetly as she cleaned his kitchen. She was like a different person, but it was still Tammy. She was just…nice. This woman had just cooked him a meal without nagging him to eat his vegetables or yelling at him for not having any proper food in his house or getting upset about his drinking or trying to poison him in any way. And, because it was Tammy, it was all incredibly sexy. Ron smiled. Dinner had been great, but he was ready for dessert.

He came behind her and wrapped his arms around her middle. She tilted her head back with a smile so he could kiss her neck. Despite the rough texture, she did love the feel of that mustache on her skin. Tammy moaned as he nipped at her ear. She twisted in his grip and threw her arms around his neck, kissing him soundly. Their tongues danced and tangled together. His hands roamed her body, one finding its way to her ass, the other making its way up her back beneath her shirt.

Tammy's whole body was on fire. Ron always had that effect on her. She never had let on that she went crazy for him just like he did for her. This was it. Tammy got her man. It was back to the way it was supposed to be: dirty and twisted and beautiful. Just like it always used to be.

Like it always used to be.

Tammy broke away from Ron and scurried to the other side of the kitchen. She couldn't be so close to him or she would never be able to resist. God he looked good, hair all disheveled from her eager hands. His eyes had that dazed sex look. Poor guy didn't even fully understand that she wasn't in his arms any more.

She tried to catch her breath. "I'm sorry, Ron. I shouldn't have done that. I should go." Tammy straightened her blouse and went to find her purse.

Ron shook himself back to reality. What the hell just happened? "Why are you leaving?" he asked as he followed her into the living room.

"I told you, Ron, I want us to start over. Fresh. New. We can't fall back into our old patterns, or this will never work," she explained as she frantically grabbed her car keys.

She was right, and Ron knew it. And until that moment, he hadn't realized how much he wanted their relationship to work this time. For real. Something always brought Ron and Tammy back together, and that deserved a chance. He slumped down on the sofa.

Tammy stopped running around and turned to him with a sad smile. "Thank you, Ron. You don't know how hard it is for me to leave you right now. I'd give you a kiss goodnight, but then I'd never get home." She turned and went out the front door.

Ron jumped up and raced out after her. "Tammy, wait!"

She was about to get in her car. She stood at the open door and protested, "Ron, please don't."

He grabbed her arm to stop her. "No, I'll let you go. I just wanted to say…thanks for dinner."

Tammy kissed him softly on the lips. "It was my pleasure." She got in her car and drove away before she couldn't anymore, leaving Ron in a slight daze in front of his house.

_Sunday Morning_

Ron Swanson woke up early in the morning, unable to sleep in anymore. He glanced at the clock and groaned. Six in the morning. He rolled over and stretched, staring at the ceiling.

His sleep had been plagued with the strangest dreams. Tammy was a giant chicken, pecking him to death. But then she showed up as a horse and kicked at the chicken. Horse Tammy neighed at him, telling him to climb up on her back and ride into the sunset. A deer then entered, still as Tammy, warning him against riding Horse Tammy. Leslie Knope had then entered the dream as an elephant trumpeting congratulations on Ron's luck on getting back with Tammy. It was all very strange. Ron sighed. This was what happened to men who went to bed sexually frustrated.

All he knew was that he missed Tammy. But it wasn't the crazed clinginess he often felt when he was torn away from her naked flesh (usually by Leslie Knope in her endless attempts to help him to not destroy his life). No, what Ron wanted was to just be around her. Having her spend just one sane evening in his house, which had once been their house, had been better than he could have ever imagined. He wanted her back. She could cook for him and sing and talk to him and share his life.

This was a disaster. He was already in love with her. Again. Without fail, every time he saw Tammy, all his good work of focused hatred went right out the window. Ron would have to be very careful, lest he end up falling back into the usual crazed role that was reserved for the Ron and Tammy relationship.

Ron got up and showered, trying to get Tammy out of his mind just for a little while. He tried alphabetically listing all the different types of wood he had used in his woodworking projects. Alder, ash, balsa, beech, birch, cedar… He got all the way through oak before he just had to give up. Oak made him think about Tammy. He had been making a table from oak when he proposed to her the first time. Actually it had been more of an awkward blurting during sex. On top of the oak table. He groaned and went back to the wood. Pine, redwood, rosewood, spruce, teak…

Tammy was having similar problems in her condo across town. She had a restless night's sleep, filled with sex dreams about Ron. She kept rolling over in bed, expecting his sturdy form to be beside her. Finally she couldn't take it anymore. This was just stupid. They had broken up plenty of times and she had never had this much trouble being without him. Perhaps her recent experiences had made her weaker. Which, again, was just stupid. Thoroughly annoyed, she got out of bed, got dressed, and went to the library. It was closed on Sundays, but maybe she could get some work done while no one else was there. And maybe then she could distract herself, knowing that Ron would never willingly come to the library.

_Tuesday Morning_

Leslie got into her office bright and early. Between planning her wedding and honeymoon and all of her City Council projects, she hadn't been able to give her full attention to the Parks Department. As usual, she was the first one into the office. Then again, no one was expected to be in at seven A.M., but Leslie was there all the same.

Jerry, Donna, Tom, Andy and April all meandered in around nine, but by that time, Leslie was on her third cup of coffee and had already written, reviewed, and submitted sixteen proposals. Strangely, Ron hadn't come in yet.

A little after ten, Leslie's phone rang. It was Ron.

"Knope, I'm taking a sick day. I'll see you tomorrow. Bye."

"Ron, wait! Are you okay? Should I come over and bring you soup? Or a plate from JJ's?"

"No, I'm fine Leslie. You don't need to come over. Actually, you shouldn't come over."

He hung up, leaving Leslie rather confused.

"Hey Tom?"

"What's up?"

"Was Ron in the office yesterday?" she asked.

Tom swiveled his chair to face her. "Yeah but it was weird. He came in late, didn't talk to anyone all day, and left at three. And he was wearing the red shirt and black pants."

"Damn." Something was up. Leslie knew it. She just wasn't sure what. She pulled up the Pawnee City Government directory on her computer and picked up the phone. While trying to suppress the feeling of nausea it caused her, she dialed the Library Department.

"Hi, can I please speak to your Deputy Director? … She's not in today? Okay, thank you."

This wasn't going to end well.


	3. Chapter 3

_Monday Afternoon_

Tammy waited outside the back entrance of the library at three o'clock, feeling exhausted. She kept nervously checking her watch. She wasn't quite sure what to expect from the rest of the afternoon. Maybe leaving early wasn't such a good idea. Maybe she should have worked late instead. But seeing as she had just spent half of Sunday at work and today was only Monday, there wasn't really much for her to do.

The sound of a rumbling engine reached her ears and she smiled. Ron's 1998 Buick Park Avenue came to a halt in front of her, and she quickly got in. They had agreed that it was best for the two of them to keep a low profile for a while. Things tended to end badly when Ron and Tammy spent too much time in public or let other people get involved in their relationship.

Tammy leaned over in the seat and gave Ron a quick kiss on the cheek. "Hi baby. How was your day?"

"Strange. And how was yours, my love?" He kept his eyes on the road as he drove them to his house, but he grinned as he spoke to her.

"Oh fine. I didn't have a lot to do today. I kept getting distracted, thinking about last night," she replied cheekily.

He knew exactly what she meant. He too had trouble getting anything done, what with the desire to get back to Tammy. Even so, Ron could sit here in this car beside the woman he loved and not feel the overwhelming urge to pull over and rip her clothes off. It was a big step in their relationship, and Ron was oddly proud of them.

Tammy continued to talk during Ron's reverie. "You know, I thought that, despite the fun we had last night, we still got plenty of sleep."

"Yeah you fell asleep at around midnight and we didn't get up until after seven."

"But I've been so tired all day today. I guess all the activity made me a little sleepy." She crossed her arms in front of her body. "And cold. I don't know what's going on in my office, but I kept shivering today."

Ron glanced over at her. "You know, you do look a little pale. Did you eat today?"

She shrugged. "I wasn't hungry. We had breakfast together this morning and I had a cup of coffee at work, but something didn't agree with me."

"I wouldn't know if it was the food," he pondered aloud.

Tammy smirked. "Your stomach is like a steel trap. Nothing bothers you."

"True. Which is pretty nice. But it doesn't help your situation." By this time they had reached Ron's home and he parked the car out front, shut off the engine, and turned to her. "Tammy, I think you might be coming down with something."

His eyes were filled with concern and it warmed her heart. Ron actually cared about her wellbeing. She smiled and shook off the warm, fuzzy feeling. "No way. I'm not getting sick. We talked about it this morning. We're going to spend the afternoon together, I'm going to cook dinner, and, if we have time, I'll even help you clean up your woodshop. Not that it's messy," she added quickly, "but I know you won't let me touch the power tools, so this is really all I can do to help. And really, you probably shouldn't let me touch power tools. I've been doing great at being nice so far, but who knows how well that will hold up around dangerous machinery," she joked.

"Well maybe we won't tackle the shop today. I don't want to wear you out."

Tammy's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Since when have you ever treated me like a delicate flower? If I say I'm fine, then I'm fine. Now let's go inside. I don't want to sit in this car all day." She opened the door with perhaps a bit more force than was really required and slammed it behind her.

Ron followed her up to the house and held open the door for her. She went in and he followed. Luckily he was looking where he was going or he would have run right into her. Tammy was standing in the entryway with an odd look on her face.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you. You're just being nice and I bit your head off."

He blinked a few times, not quite knowing what to do. "You're apologizing?"

"I'm trying to, yeah. Was it okay?" She gave a small smile.

"Um. Sure."

Tammy took a few steps forward and slowly nuzzled up to Ron, allowing herself to be enveloped in those big, strong arms of his. He sweetly kissed the top of her head and breathed in the scent of her shampoo.

She sighed happily. "I don't mean to get upset. You care, which is amazing and somewhat unexpected. I just don't want to get sick. We just got back together, and I don't want to ruin it by getting all gross and whatever."

"Tammy, I don't want you to get sick either. But if you don't take it easy, you'll just get worse."

She pulled away slightly so she could look up at his face. "You're right. I can just hang out on the couch and heat up the leftovers for dinner, if that's okay with you."

"Sure." Ron leaned down to kiss her but she dodged him.

"Don't kiss me, or else you might get sick too," Tammy warned.

He took her face in his hands and gently kissed her lips. "Getting sick is worth it if it means I get to kiss you." Tammy smiled and happily allowed Ron to keep kissing her for quite a while longer.

By the time dinner rolled around, Tammy was properly nauseous, and by bedtime, she spiked a fever and was pale as a ghost. She tried to protest, but Ron helped her get into bed and kept himself awake almost all night, making sure she was okay.

_Sunday Afternoon_

Ron had tried to be patient. After his shower, he had a leisurely breakfast and read the newspaper cover to cover. Even the pointless sections. He spent a few hours in the woodshop, sanding and staining a side table he had been working on. Eventually there just wasn't anything else to occupy his time. He wanted Tammy. He wanted to see her as soon as he woke up, but he had restrained himself. Besides, he knew she liked to sleep in, especially on the weekends. She wouldn't have liked it if he tried to call her at eight in the morning.

At noon, he decided it was late enough that he could call. He dialed her number from his cell phone. She picked up on the third ring.

"Tammy Swanson."

"Hello Tammy Swanson. It is Ron Swanson calling."

She grinned brightly on her side of the phone. "Well hello there Ron Swanson. What can I do for you?"

"I was wondering what you were up to and if I could see you at some point today."

"I'm actually working at the library right now."

"That is unfortunate."

Tammy chuckled. That would be Ron's response to her job. And in a way, he was sort of right. Everyone she worked with was arrogant and boring and stuck up. She loved them, but they were a pain. Librarians are like that.

Ron took her laughter as a good sign. "Why are you working on a Sunday? Busy time for the book jockeys?"

"If you must know, I needed something to distract me from you. Being in a place you revile so much helps. What have you been doing?"

"Actually a lot of the same. I finished a side table to keep from thinking about you. I was up at six this morning, and I didn't think you'd appreciate me calling so early."

"I was up at almost the same time. I miss you." Tammy could have bit her tongue off. She shouldn't have said that. It was too much, too soon. Even if she felt it, she didn't want to be too intense and scare Ron away. Again.

Ron could sense the way Tammy was tensing up at the other end of the line. It was kind of a weird thing for her to say in the midst of a rather lighthearted conversation. But it didn't bother Ron in the least. It was nice to hear her want to be with him as much as he wanted to be with her. "I miss you too. When do you think you'll be finished at the…library?" He tried not to choke on that last hideous word, but couldn't quite get it out without a small hitch.

"I'm actually going to have a bite to eat now, and then I have about another hour's worth of cataloguing to do after that. I'll come over to your place after?"

The wheels were turning in Ron's head. "Yeah that's fine. I'll see you later then."

"Okay, great! Bye Ron."

"Bye."

They hung up, both breathing a sigh of relief that they hadn't uttered those three words. Both Ron and Tammy felt the truth in those three little words, but neither was about to say it and risk the reaction of the other. Love was scary, and Ron and Tammy were living proof of that.

_Monday Morning_

Ron woke up slowly, becoming gradually aware of the weight on his chest. He blinked his eyes open and smiled at Tammy's tangled hair splayed out over her face as she slept. He gently shifted, getting out of bed carefully so as to not wake her up. She groaned slightly as he left, but simply rolled over and stayed asleep. He kissed her cheek softly before quietly closing the bedroom door behind him as he went to shower.

Tammy heard the sound of running water and was jolted awake. She stretched and grabbed her glasses off the nightstand. She was utterly exhausted, but incredibly happy. The clock beside her read 7:12. Time to get up. As much as she wanted to stay in bed with Ron all day, they both had to go to work. With a cheeky grin, she grabbed Ron's discarded button down shirt off the floor and put it on before going into the kitchen. Normally, she would be happy to cook naked, but it was a chilly morning and hopefully Ron would appreciate this look as well.

After his shower, Ron went back into the bedroom. Tammy wasn't there. He was curious for a moment, but then heard some general bustle in the kitchen, making him very happy indeed. Breakfast courtesy of Tammy always tasted slightly better than any other meal. He dressed quickly to join her. It was a red shirt and black slacks kind of day. He hadn't worn this ensemble in a while and was very glad to bring it back.

Never before had Ron been so glad that he owned a camera phone. Tammy was standing at the stove, frying bacon. She was wearing his shirt, which was barely long enough to cover her. Her hair was pulled up into a messy bun, strands falling out and framing her face. Ron pulled out the camera and called her attention. She gave a radiant smile and posed on one leg, the other popped up behind her. One hand held out the pan of bacon so it could be in the picture and the other hand on her small waist. Ron had never seen her look so beautiful.

The two had breakfast at the table, Tammy still in her scant clothing. Even with bacon and eggs in front of him, Ron had difficulty keeping his eyes off the area where the loose shirt bagged on Tammy, showing off the creamy skin on her chest.

"Hey Ron, do you think we could leave a little early so you can drop me off at my car? I want to go home and pick up a few things and fix my hair and so on."

"Sure. Do you want to stay over again tonight?"

For some strange reason, Tammy blushed slightly. "That might be nice. We can spend the afternoon together and maybe leave work early?"

"Yeah let's do that. I have some work to do in my shop and you can help if you want."

She watched him as he continued to scarf down his food. Tammy merely picked at hers. She wasn't very hungry.

Ron took a big swig of orange juice and wiped his face on a napkin. He had something on his mind and wasn't sure how Tammy would take it. "You know I'm not ashamed of you, right?"

Tammy was slightly taken aback. "I hope not. Why?"

"I think we should keep…us…under wraps for a while. Other people tend to react harshly to you and me getting back together. And even though this isn't like the other times, I don't think anyone else is really gonna understand that."

"That makes sense. And I wouldn't think that you were ashamed of me, Ron. I know you better than that. At least, I like to think I do."

He smiled and took her hand across the table. "You do know me. And it might be kinda nice for us to figure this all out without anyone else complicating it." He kissed her hand, eliciting a wide smile from the wonderful woman sitting across from him.

Tammy wasn't really sure what to say. This side of Ron was so rare. She always knew he had it in him, but this much romantic sentiment so soon was still quite surprising. She excused herself from the table, kissing his cheek as she walked by.

She went back into the bedroom and changed back into her own clothing. She immediately flashed back to all the times she had done the walk of shame in her life. It was a surprisingly common occurrence for her. She really should start carrying an extra set of clothes in her purse. Although, if all went the way she wanted, Ron would be the only man she would be having sex with, and, hopefully, they would eventually be living in this house again.

After Tammy came back out to the kitchen, Ron helped her wash the dishes. They left a little after eight, Ron dropping Tammy back at the library so she could get her car.

"I'll come pick you up at three if that works for you."

"Sounds great, babe." Tammy gave him a quick kiss before getting out of the Buick.

Ron drove to City Hall in a very strange mood. As usual, life was great when he and Tammy were in their romantic bubble. But the second he went back to the real world, he started having doubts. Their relationship was better than it ever had been, certainly. But how long would that last? How long before they had their first fight? It was bound to happen eventually. Could the trust and honesty and general decency they had created over the last two days hold up? Ron wasn't sure. He hated even thinking it, but this might all come crashing down. They probably shouldn't have had sex. Sex was the death of them. But god was it good.

Ron Swanson entered the Parks and Recreation Department feeling deeply conflicted. This day was gonna suck. Thank god Leslie Knope was going to be out of the office. No one else would bother him. Hopefully.


	4. Chapter 4

_Sunday Afternoon_

Ron shook himself. He was thinking a lot about feelings lately. It was weird. He grabbed his keys and wallet and got in his car.

Tammy was sitting on the floor, picking at her turkey sandwich and flipping through an old copy of Life Magazine. There was no food allowed in the library, especially not near the books, but Tammy Swanson always loved breaking the rules. So she sat in the murder/mystery section, eating by the books. It was one of her many dirty secrets that put a smile on her face.

All of a sudden, she heard someone call her name. "Oh shit!" she muttered to herself, gathering her lunch up as quickly as she could. She heard the voice again and realized it was Ron. Tammy immediately calmed down, knowing she wasn't about to get fired, but then she got very confused.

Ron was at the library.

She went out to the main lobby to greet him. "Hey what are you doing here?" she asked, shocked at his presence.

He held up a paper bag. "I brought lunch for us. I figured when you said you were having a bite to eat, it wasn't going to be anything good."

Tammy still couldn't believe it. He was bringing her food. In the library. "I repeat, what are you doing _here_?"

"I brought lunch for you. And you're here. And since I wanted to eat with you, this is where I am."

"But you hate the library."

"Yes."

Apparently that was the only explanation he was going to give. Tammy wasn't going to push it. She shook her head in exasperation and took the bag from him with a smile. "So what did you bring?"

"Salad for you, cheeseburger for me."

She frowned. "Salad?"

"Cobb salad. It's got bacon, egg, corn, cheese, and all sorts of other stuff."

Tammy narrowed her eyes. "What sort of other stuff?"

Ron rolled his eyes. "Open the box."

She did as she was told. And yes, there was a Cobb salad inside. But on top was a big, juicy cheeseburger. "Good job, baby."

They sat behind the reserve desk, talking and eating and laughing. When they finished their burgers (the salad was left untouched for the time being), Ron decided to address something that had been on his mind since he and Tammy had reconnected the day before.

"So I've got a question for you. You said yesterday that you were forced to think about us recently. I was kinda hoping you might be able to explain that a little more. I think I should know if we're going to be really working on this whole honesty thing."

Tammy sighed. She knew this was coming. And she wasn't sure if she was ready to talk about it. But Ron had asked, so she couldn't very well back out now.

"I'll tell you if you'll answer one question for me first. Why did you and Diane break up?"

Ron was slightly taken aback, mostly because he and Diane had ended their relationship only twenty-four hours before, yet it seemed as though he had been waiting for Tammy forever. "We just couldn't make it work. She and I had a great relationship. But she's got two daughters from a real asshole of an ex-husband. I'm really not great with kids. I tried, but I'm not really father material. Diane and I figured it out at about the same time that her girls had to come first, and I can't be their new dad, no matter how good Diane and I got along. But I'm perfectly happy now that I'm with you, so I guess it's all for the best," he finished with a smile.

Tammy nodded. Personally, she had always thought that Ron would be a wonderful father. But it would have to be his kid. It wasn't fair for him to base his parenting skills on someone else's kids. But that was neither here nor there. Now it was her turn to tell him about her…ordeal. She had wasted enough time. Here it went.

"So do you remember the last time we saw each other?"

"How could I forget? I won an award and you forgot underwear."

She smirked. "I did not forget, Ron. That was just one of a long list of stupid decisions I made in my attempts to get what I wanted. Anyway, after my little run-in with Leslie, I went home all alone. I didn't get to see you. So I got up really early the next morning and allegedly broke into your office where I allegedly waited for you naked, covered in bacon."

Ron's eyes went wide. The image in his mind was surely nothing that would compare to the real thing. "I never saw that."

"I know. Your little assistant, April, found me and called the cops. I got arrested for trespassing. The courts found me legally insane and sentenced me to six months at the state mental hospital in Indianapolis."

"But I saw you two months ago," Ron interjected.

Tammy nodded. "I'm getting to that. Anyway, during my little vacation, I did a lot of talking and thinking. I got my own private shrink because they couldn't keep me in group therapy."

"Why not?" he asked skeptically.

"Because I had the unique ability to throw the rest of the group into a sexual frenzy."

Ron chuckled. Of course. Tammy would have that skill. It was nice to know that her charms worked on people other than him.

She continued, "So during my therapy, I realized that I did what I did to get what I wanted. And no matter what I wanted, it all boiled down to you, Ron. I want you."

"And how many meds were you on when you made that little discovery?"

Tammy scoffed. "I didn't take any meds. Because my doctor realized what I knew all along: I'm not crazy. I do crazy things, but I'm not crazy. I know what I'm doing, I know the consequences, and I know exactly what's going on. He helped me focus my goals and all that crap, and after one month, he went back to the court and petitioned to dissolve my sentence. So here I am, one week out of the loony bin. I got my job back and my apartment and, most importantly, you."

Ron stayed quiet for a moment. He had always wondered about Tammy's mental state. He wasn't sure if he was comforted or disturbed by the fact that she was in fact perfectly sane. And she seemed genuinely better. "I always thought you should be institutionalized," he teased.

Tammy took the smile on his face for a good sign. "I agree. So now that that's out of the way, we can have some fun." Her eyes sparkled suggestively. She pulled Ron's rolling chair towards her around the desk.

"Wait a second; didn't you have more work to do?"

She groaned in frustration. "Ron, I'm the Deputy Director of the department. I don't need to reshelf books if I don't want to."

That was a good enough answer for Ron. "So what do you want to do?" he asked with a sexy grin.

Tammy leapt off of her chair and into Ron's lap, throwing her arms around his neck. "I want what you want, baby. Let's go to your house and we'll see where it goes from there."

The drive home was a blur. He tried to speed, but Tammy made him slow down. "I'll still be in the mood when we get there. No need to rush. Because getting pulled over by one of Pawnee's finest will ruin it."

Their mouths were locked together from the second the engine shut off. They somehow stumbled inside the house and slammed the door behind them.

Across the street, a teenaged boy, who happened to be looking out the window at the time, called behind him, "Hey Mom! The Swansons are back together."

The boy's mother crossed herself and prayed the Virgin Mary that they wouldn't suffer any property damage this time around.

_Tuesday Morning_

Tammy woke up feeling incredibly refreshed. Ron was sitting up in bed beside her, head lolling off to the left. Poor guy was exhausted. She gently put her hand on his chest. He jolted awake.

"I'm up! What do you need?" he shouted.

She nearly had a heart attack but quickly laughed it off. "I'm fine. What time is it?"

He shifted to look past her to the clock. "Almost ten. Shit I should have called in earlier."

"It's okay, babe. I feel all better now. We can get dressed and eat something quick and just go in late."

Tammy tried to get up, but Ron grabbed her around the middle and pulled her back. She landed back on the bed with a little squawk. "Oh no you don't. You had a fever last night. No work until you're fever free for twenty four hours. Let me take your temperature."

He shoved a thermometer in her mouth. She frowned at him and spoke in a slightly obstructed voice, "Who are you and what have you done with Ron Swanson? Since when do you know about any of this crap? Or care at all about following rules like that?"

"Shut up. The thermometer doesn't get a correct reading when your mouth is open."

Tammy stared daggers at him, silently forcing him to explain himself.

"To answer your questions, I only know this because that nurse, Ann, is always in my office yammering about stuff like this to Leslie. She wouldn't take a day off unless she was at death's door. And even then, she'd ask him to take a number because she had something to finish first. Anyway, I don't care about any of this crap, but I care about you. So you're spending the day in bed. If you're still fine tonight, you can go to work in the morning." He took the thermometer out of her mouth. "Ninety-nine. I guess that's close enough. I suggest you call in sick for the day."

She groaned. Tammy loved nothing more than playing hooky from work for something fun. But being forced to take the day to stay in bed and rest? Not her idea of a good time. "What are you going to do?"

Ron had taken out his cell phone and started dialing. "I'm staying home and taking care of you. What, did you think I was gonna just leave you here?"

Leslie had answered her phone by that point, and Tammy tuned out while they shared a short conversation. He wanted to stay home and take care of her. That warm, fuzzy feeling was back. Ron cared. Ron loved her. For a moment she wondered what she had done to deserve this before realizing that she had done absolutely nothing to deserve Ron. Tammy was going to have to work that much harder to show him how sincere she was. Ron's needs would come first. Starting now, it was all about making Ron happy, no matter what.

Once he hung up the phone, she took matters into her own hands. "Alright mister. You got, what, two hours of sleep last night?"

"Maybe."

"That's what I thought. Lie down and get some rest. You need it. I'm fine now. And even if I weren't, you can't take proper care of me on two hours of sleep anyway."

She pulled the covers up so he could get comfortable. He must have been really tired, because he barely protested. Tammy kissed his cheek and softly ran her fingers through his hair. Within moments, he was sound asleep. And despite waking up feeling great, seeing Ron resting peacefully beside made her a little sleepy too. She curled up next to her man and soon drifted back to sleep as well.

_Sunday Evening_

Ron and Tammy stumbled into the bedroom, discarding clothing along the way and never breaking contact. She pushed him onto the bed and pulled his pants off, throwing them behind her along with his shirt. Both were left in nothing but their undergarments. Tammy climbed on top of him, running her hands across his strong bare chest and kissed him passionately. Ron's hands wandered up and down her back and legs as they straddled him.

Tammy could hardly think. She could barely breathe. All she wanted was Ron. All she needed was Ron. His touch was like a drug. She couldn't get enough. But in a moment of clarity, she pulled away.

"Should we be doing this so soon? Is this a good idea?" she asked breathlessly.

Ron growled and pulled her back to him. "I don't even care anymore."

She evaded his grasp and climbed off of him to sit beside him on the bed. "You need to care, Ron. I don't want us to screw this up. Again. Sex always complicates things."

"Yeah, but it's so good."

With a small laugh, she agreed, "Yes it is. But we need to have more than just sex. I love you, Ron. I love you so much, I can barely see straight. When I'm not with you, I'm incomplete."

The adrenaline and testosterone was starting to wane already by the time these words shocked Ron back into proper consciousness. His eyes narrowed. "Are you serious?"

"Yes! Did you not get that from everything I've been telling you this whole weekend? I want to be with you. I want us to make this work. Because I can't stand going back to my life without you, baby."

Ron slowly reached over and took her hand. "For the first time, I actually believe you. It's not just you saying what I want to hear and me believing it because I want to. You're being completely sincere."

"I'm trying," she said in a small voice.

"And I can see that. You wouldn't believe how long I've wanted to hear you say that. I've spent a lot of time hating you, Tammy. And regardless of the manipulation and all that other bullshit you've done over the years, it boils down to the fact that I've hated you because you couldn't or didn't love me the way I always loved you. You know the effect you have over me. And it's not just the sex. I've never had the kind of connection with anyone else like I've had with you. I've known women who were much better for me. But I didn't love those women. I love you, Tammy. I always have, and I always will."

Tammy could hardly believe her ears. Her usual tough façade fell away as tears streamed down her face. Never in her life had she ever heard anything so beautiful.

Ron caressed her cheeks and wiped the tears away. "Don't cry. Please don't cry. I can't handle…that. Are you sad? What did I do?"

She shook her head and wiped her eyes. "You did more than I ever hoped. I've never been so happy in my life." Tammy leaned forward and kissed Ron's lips softly. His hands cradled her head, pulling her closer to him.

They made love. Not crazy and ambitious and raunchy like it usually was. Their bodies moved together as one, slowly and passionately. They went for hours, lost in one another and the love they shared. For the first time, sex was an expression of that love. And it was better than ever before.

Ron and Tammy finally collapsed around midnight, not caring that they hadn't eaten since lunch. They fell asleep tangled together in the sheets, happy and madly in love.


	5. Chapter 5

_Tuesday Afternoon_

Leslie Knope's squawk echoed through the room. Ron and Tammy both bolted up.

"KNOPE!" Ron yelled.

Tammy's voice sounded as well. "Oh my god. Why are you here?!"

Leslie stood stock still, too surprised to do anything other than sputter, "I…I don't…You…"

Ron and Tammy sat up in bed. She grabbed her glasses to better assess the situation. Ron held his head as the blood rushed from it. He took a deep breath and spoke in a more even tone, but his rage still shone through.

"Why are you in my house?"

Leslie seemed to have gotten some of her own back and was able to answer coherently. "You called in sick. Tom said you were acting weird yesterday. I called the library and Tammy wasn't in. I wanted to make sure you were okay."

He groaned. He should have expected something like this. "How did you get in?"

"I have a key. I have a key to all my friends' houses in case of emergency. You and Tammy together constitute an emergency, Ron."

Tammy scoffed and got out of bed, wrapping her robe around her.

Leslie jumped back and put her arms up to protect herself. "Get back, you library sex monster!"

With the most innocent look she could muster, Tammy held up her hands in surrender. "Leslie, please don't worry. I'm not doing anything wrong. As you may have noticed, both Ron and I are fully clothed. We really were just sleeping. I was sick last night so Ron wanted me to stay in bed today. He called in sick so he could stay here to take care of me." She turned and smiled at him fondly.

"Ron's not sick?"

"I don't get sick," Ron answered simply.

Tammy agreed, "Yeah, I think it's the mustache. The germs just get scared and run away."

"What about Diane?"

Ron sighed. He was painfully aware that he hadn't even been single for an entire day before he and Tammy got back together. But it wasn't his fault how things worked out. "Diane and I broke up Saturday. Tammy came to talk to me a few hours later. It just sorta happened from there."

Leslie's eyes were still wide with fear. "I don't understand. Ron, did she drug you? What day is it?"

"It's Tuesday. I'm not drugged. I'm not even 'tripping on Tammy' as you once put it."

Poor Leslie still didn't trust the situation. She glanced between the two Swansons and muttered, "This is bad. Somehow, this is bad."

Tammy took a small step forward, but Leslie continued to back up. "Leslie, I promise Ron's okay. I've done a lot of work on myself recently, and I'm so much better than before."

"You chased me with an axe!"

"Yes, that was a bit of a low point," Tammy conceded.

"You locked me in the trunk of Ron's car!"

"I'm really sorry about that. Listen, do you think you and I could grab lunch tomorrow to talk? You're Ron's best friend, and I think it's important that you understand what's going on here."

Ron interrupted, "She is a colleague. She is not my best friend."

Tammy glared at him. "She's the best friend you've ever had. Be nice, Ron."

Leslie turned her attention to the mustachioed man in the bed. "Ron. Seriously? This is insane. It's Tammy, Ron. Tammy doesn't change."

He gazed affectionately at his lady. "She's changed, Leslie."

Leslie Knope couldn't accept that. "Ron, look me in the eye and tell me she's changed."

Ron looked her right in the eye and said in a strong, clear voice, "She's changed, Leslie. This is a really good thing. Eat lunch with her. Go somewhere public where people can pull her off you, if necessary. But I really don't think that'll be necessary."

Tammy watched Leslie look her up and down before agreeing to lunch. Leslie Knope left the Swanson home feeling decidedly uncomfortable. She didn't like leaving her friend with that madwoman, but what could she do? Although, Tammy didn't seem like her usual crazy self, so maybe something had changed. And for what it was worth, Ron seemed genuinely happy. Really, that was all that mattered.

_Wednesday Afternoon_

Tammy showed up at 12:30 to the Parks Department. The entire office became collectively rigid and uncomfortable at the sight of her. Tammy felt a little conflicted, knowing that this should make her feel bad, but she secretly loved it. The fact that her mere presence scared people so much was quite nice. She popped into Ron's office to say hello and give him a quick kiss before going back to Leslie's office.

Upon seeing Tammy Swanson, Tom yelled in fear and surprise, "I didn't do it! Don't hit me!"

Leslie scoffed at him, "She's not going to hit you." She paused before muttering to Tammy, "Are you?"

Tammy smiled. "Nope. I'm done with all that. Hopefully. It's a work in progress, really. I'm sorry, Glenn."

"It's Tom!" he replied angrily.

"You know, one of these days I'm gonna remember that."

Leslie followed Tammy out. They walked over to the bistro down the block. Neither said anything until they sat down at the restaurant.

Tammy was the first to speak. "Leslie, I want to start out by thanking you."

Leslie was quite taken aback. "Excuse me?"

"Yeah, you know, you're the best thing that's ever happened to Ron. You make him care about things and people. You make him stronger. And you protect him like no one else ever has. He hasn't really had a great track record with women, especially as friends. Besides, if it weren't for you, he and I wouldn't be together now. You reintroduced us after all those years. And when it went terribly wrong, you helped pick him up again and keep us from killing each other. So thank you." She smiled, trying to look kind and not scary, which was the usual effect when Tammy smiled at another woman.

"So you aren't threatened by me?"

Tammy giggled. "Why should I be threatened by you? I know I said once that you wanted Ron, but I wasn't serious. I was just trying to get him to doubt you. Which didn't work."

"Diane said she was threatened by me. And how much I knew about Ron and how protective I am."

"Then that was her problem. Ron's really lucky to have you. But I'm pretty sure he'd never leave me for you. For one thing, he hates blondes, and Ron would never take another man's woman. He's too much of a gentleman."

Leslie was quiet for a moment. This was incredibly surreal. Tammy was nice. And honest. And real. She leaned in close and asked quietly, "What the hell happened to you?"

Tammy's eyes widened in surprise. "April didn't tell you? Well, to make a long story short, she got me arrested and testified against me in court. I was declared criminally insane and sent to a mental facility in Indianapolis. But it turns out I'm not crazy, so they reversed my sentence and let me out. And here I am."

With a furrowed brow, Leslie absorbed this information. "April tends to keep things to herself. But this seems like a big thing to keep secret. So you're…fine?"

"According to my shrink, yeah. Therapy is actually really helpful. I was able to focus on what was really wrong with me. Not to be a sappy romantic, but I want Ron. He's all I've ever wanted, and I love him like crazy. So I'm doing whatever I have to do to make him happy."

"You want to make Ron happy?" Leslie asked incredulously.

"I want him to want me. I wouldn't be here if he didn't want me. I'll do whatever it takes to make our relationship work this time."

"Tammy, you seem like you've got it together. Which, frankly, scares me a little. But let me tell you that I've got some friends in high places. If you do anything to hurt Ron again, I can do some things. Do we have an understanding?"

Reaching across the table, Tammy shook Leslie's hand and chuckled. "I'd be very disappointed if you didn't stick up for Ron. But I hope that you'll eventually learn to trust me. I hope that someday I can deserve it."

Leslie wasn't really sure what to say to that. They made polite small talk through the rest of lunch. It was all very cordial and civilized, which was quite contrary to Leslie's previous dealings with Tammy.

_Wednesday Night_

A loud pounding woke Ben Wyatt. "Holy crap. What was that?" he asked groggily.

Leslie was sound asleep beside him. She rarely slept, but when she did, she was out cold until she woke up. The alarm clock on her side of the bed read 12:27.

The pounding continued. Ben realized that someone was at the door. He got out of bed and shuffled though the house to see what the hell was going on. He hit a switch in the foyer, flooding the porch in yellow light. Ron Swanson's face was illuminated in the night.

Ben opened the door for him. "Hi Ron. Can I help you?"

"I need to talk to Leslie."

"She's asleep right now."

Ron was undeterred. "Wake her up."

"I'm not sure if I can do that."

"She can sleep later. I need to…talk." That last sentence was painful for Ron Swanson to utter.

Ben regarded Ron carefully. He really did look upset. He was obviously going through something and needed Leslie's help. Ben sighed. "Okay, I'll see if I can wake her up. But she's a pretty heavy sleeper."

He went back into their room and knelt beside his fiancée. "Leslie?" he asked softly, then gradually louder, "Leslie!" No response.

"KNOPE!"

She bolted up, whacking Ben in the face as she did. Ron was standing in the doorway. Leslie apologized profusely to Ben as he held his nose. He simply waved them away. She grabbed her bathrobe and took Ron into the living room.

"Okay, Ron. What's wrong?"

"I think I ruined it."

"You? Not Tammy?"

Ron buried his face in his hands as he slumped onto the sofa. "I don't even know anymore."

Leslie sat in the chair across from him, waiting for her friend to tell her what he had done to ruin the relationship that, less than twelve hours earlier, he had been so happy about.

_Tuesday Night_

Ron and Tammy had spent the entire day lounging around the house. They had done this before, but this time, they were oddly clothed the entire time. Tammy would have happily spent the day having sex, as they hadn't done it in two whole days, but Ron seemed to be testing his restraint. In reality, Ron wanted it too, but he was trying to be considerate; Tammy was sick, and it wouldn't be good of him to put his desires above her health. Or something like that. That's what he had to keep telling himself. Because Tammy's lounge clothes were low-cut and loose on top and tight on the bottom. It was all very distracting.

They ate a dinner of leftovers on the couch watching the only DVD Ron had in his house: Fine Woodstrip Canoe Building. Tammy could not care less about how to build a canoe, but Ron liked it, and today was all about making Ron happy. Tammy corrected herself; _everyday _was about making Ron happy. Making Ron happy was going to make her happy. After all, she wanted Ron to love her and want her in his life. This was how to make it happen.

Ron was immersed in the video. The guy giving instructions was very good. He knew what he was talking about. Ron couldn't have done better himself.

Tammy fell asleep after dinner. The video was over two hours. Over two hours of woodworking. A canoe. For more than two hours. Ron really couldn't blame her. He was interested, but it would have been better if he were the one building a canoe. Which reminded him, he had a new shipment of wood coming in. Maybe he could make Tammy something. He would have to remember to ask her if there was anything she wanted or needed.

Ron turned off the TV and carried Tammy into the bedroom. She woke up en route.

"What are you doing?"

"Carrying you to bed. You fell asleep on the couch."

"How was your movie? Did I miss anything exciting? Did that guy saw off a finger?"

He knew she was kidding, but loss of limb was not a joking matter. "He's a professional. Nothing out of the ordinary. Go back to sleep." He deposited her on the bed and kissed her forehead.

Tammy stood up and stretched. "I need to shower. I'm going to work tomorrow, and I don't want to look like I spent twenty-four hours in my own filth."

"Let me take your temperature first," Ron insisted. "You can't go to work if you still have a fever."

She groaned. This was all getting a little ridiculous. All the worry and care was nice but so unnecessary. Nevertheless, she complied with his instructions.

Ron read out the thermometer. "Ninety-eight. You're fine. Go bathe."

Tammy nodded in thanks and went into the bathroom. Ron went back out to the kitchen and poured himself a drink before bed. It wasn't really that late, and he had been sleeping all day. He knew exactly what he wanted to do, which would eventually tire him out enough to go to sleep, but he was still trying to be considerate of Tammy. What he really wanted was to join Tammy in the shower. But there would be plenty of time for that in the future, assuming that's what she wanted. He hoped she had no plans of leaving, but he could never really be too sure with Tammy.

He downed his drink and sighed. Ron loved her more than he liked to admit. He always had and probably always would. She had said that all she wanted was for the two of them to be together, but was there more to it? Women always want more. Assuming things kept progressing as they were, would they get married again? Would Tammy even want that? Ron liked being married. He liked sharing his life with the woman he loved. What he didn't love was the end of marriage. Tammy wasn't happy the first time they were married. She cheated on him, probably as some twisted form of revenge or manipulation. They had never really talked about it. They mostly just yelled and fought. Violently.

But this time wasn't like that; in three days, they hadn't fought once. They also only made love once, but it wasn't their fault that Tammy got sick. Things were really different. It was nice. But the problem with different was that Ron didn't know how to handle different.

The sound of a hairdryer prompted Ron to leave the living room and go into the bathroom. The door was half open. Inside was Tammy, blow-drying her hair with a pained expression on her face.

"What are you doing?" Ron asked loudly over the dryer's din.

"Drying my hair before bed," she answered with an angry tone.

"You never dry your hair."

"That's because I don't like it. It's time-consuming and ruins the texture of my hair."

"So why are you doing it?"

"You don't like it when I go to bed with wet hair." She turned away from him and flipped her hair over, drying it from underneath.

Ron watched her, confused. It was very true, he had always hated that she went to bed with wet hair. The pillows and sheets would get soaked, and it annoyed him to no end. But Tammy quite obviously hated drying her hair.

He reached over to the outlet and unplugged the appliance. "What are you doing?" he asked again.

Incredibly annoyed, she attempted to grab the plug back from him. He held it out of her reach. Tammy cursed her short height and answered in a huff, "I'm drying my hair so that I don't go to bed with wet hair because I don't want you to get annoyed by the wet pillows. And I can't do that if you don't let me plug in the dryer!"

"So you're doing something you don't want to do to keep me from being annoyed?"

"We talked about this, Ron. I'm trying to make you happy. Isn't that okay?" Tammy's tone was becoming exasperated. She was tired and her temper was growing short. This could end very badly. It took all her self-restraint to not throw the hairdryer at his head and go to bed.

Ron put the plug down and walked out of the room. Tammy went back to her tedious task. When she was finished, her hair was frizzy and felt like straw, but it was dry. She went into the bedroom, praying that Ron would just let her go to sleep. She wasn't sure that she could keep from fighting right now.

He was sitting up in bed, watching her every move, but he didn't say a word. She climbed under the covers and set her alarm for work in the morning.

"Tammy?"

"What?" she said harshly.

"I don't know what to do."

She sat up to face him. "About what?"

"About you. I don't know what to do when you do shit like this. You're getting all angry about doing things to make me happy. And I don't know what to do."

"You don't have to do anything, Ron. It's better than my usual selfish bullshit, right?"

"Yeah, but I don't want you to resent me. Doing things you don't want to do just because it would make me happy doesn't really help anything."

Tammy opened her mouth to respond but quickly closed it and furrowed her brow in concentration.

Ron continued talking. "I love you, Tammy, but this is all really new for us. This isn't how we act. This isn't our usual relationship, and that is a very good thing. I don't want us to go back to what we were before, but you can't put yourself on the back burner to cater to my needs. That's just stupid."

"But when I was sick, you took care of me."

"Because I wanted to," he explained. "Taking care of you makes me happy. And while I don't love having my pillows wet, I'd rather you go to bed happy than frustrated and angry like you are now."

"Then I don't know what to do, Ron! No matter what I do, it's wrong!" Tammy's emotions were starting to reach critical mass. This was well on its way to being a whopper of a fight.

Ron could tell that this was heading in a dangerous direction. He had to remain calm. He couldn't rise to the bait. He couldn't get angry or yell back. Perhaps it was time to take a different approach. "What about today when Leslie showed up? You were calm and nice and rational. That was good. And everything from the last couple days? That was great. We've had fun together."

"And now I'm ruining it. Is that what you're saying?"

"No. I'm saying that you've been doing a good job, and you shouldn't forget it. And don't forget that I love you and I want to make this work. Okay?"

Tammy's hazel eyes searched his baby blues. She gave a small smile and leaned into his chest. Ron pulled her into his arms and kissed her hair. It was strange.

"Is this what your hair feels like when you dry it?" She nodded. "I think I liked the wet better. I can get used to wet hair. Because this feels like you fried it. As usual, you were right and I was wrong."

She lifted her head and looked at her in shock. "Did you just say that I was right and you were wrong?"

"Believe me; I'm as surprised as you are. See? We're growing as people," he said sarcastically.

"Don't get all sappy on me, Swanson," she told him teasingly.

"So here's one for you. What do you want, Tammy?"

"I want to make you happy. Did we not just cover this?"

Ron rolled his eyes. "Being with you and not going crazy in the process makes me happy. I mean you. What do _you_ want?"

Tammy stopped to think. She hadn't really considered anything beyond just Ron. What did she want? She closed her eyes and imagined her perfect life, somewhere down the line. She saw Ron. She saw this house. She saw a wedding. She saw a baby. No, that couldn't be right. Ron didn't want kids. They weren't having kids.

His voice interrupted her. "So? What do you want, Tammy?"

With a smile, she answered, "Beyond this right here? I have no idea. I'll keep you posted. Although, since we're talking, I do want to apologize for being all sick and sleepy and gross today."

He shook his head. "Not your fault. I'm just glad you're better."

"I'm not used to being unattractive to you. It's been a strange day."

"Where did you get that idea?" he asked, thoroughly shocked that she could ever think such a thing.

"Ron. We've been here alone all day and you barely touched me and hardly ever looked at me."

"You were sick! I didn't want to bother you when you weren't feeling well."

Tammy started to laugh. "You were being considerate? I've been fine all day! You let me think all day that I'm a revolting mess and you were just being polite!?"

"And you've been waiting for me to make a move all day?"

"Well I didn't want to force my atrocious body on you."

With an incredibly masculine growl, Ron flipped her onto her back and let out all the pent-up sexual energy of the day. Tammy responded with equal vigor. What a great way to end the day. From anger to ecstasy. After all, it was the Swanson way.


	6. Chapter 6

_Wednesday Afternoon_

Ron watched the clock, waiting for the moment when Tammy would arrive to go to lunch with Leslie. No one else was expecting her. Their reactions would be interesting, to say the least. He didn't think it was unreasonable to feel slightly nervous.

She arrived right on time. Tammy popped into his office with a bright smile. "Hey baby! I'm off to lunch. Want me to pick something up for you?" She came around his desk to give him a quick kiss.

"That would be nice, thank you."

"In the mood for something in particular?"

"Nope. Just surprise me. You know what I like."

Tammy nodded and waved as she went into the outer office to fetch Leslie. Ron watched through the windows to see Donna, Jerry, April and Andy collectively tense up in anticipation for the outburst. The only outburst was that of Tom, squealing like a girl at the sight of the woman who once beat him senseless.

Leslie and Tammy left together, leaving everyone else in a slight state of shock. As soon as they were gone, the rest of the Parks Department flooded into Ron's office. April got there first.

"Ron! I don't know how, but she escaped from a mental hospital! You have to stop seeing her!"

Donna also put in her two cents. "That crazy bitch is always up to something."

"Ron, I'm so sorry, man," Tom added.

Andy didn't really know what was going on. He just followed everyone else in. At this point, he was distracted by the way the pretty dark haired woman holding the plate of breakfast food in that photo was looking at him.

Jerry attempted to restore order. "Listen, guys, if Ron's happy, then we should support him."

Ron nodded. "Thank you, Jerry. And it is none of anyone's business what goes on between Tammy and myself. Leslie is having lunch with her so she can see how much better Tammy is doing. But as for the rest of you, while I often enjoy inhibiting government work, you have better things to do. Please leave now."

The troupe left, muttering insults to Jerry as they did.

Ron was once again alone in his office. That all actually went better than expected. He turned to his computer to delete some emails when his cell phone rang. The number was one he recognized. He swore under his breath before answering.

"Hello? Tonight? Yes, I am available. Eight tonight. Got it. Yep."

He hung up and suppressed the urge to bang his head on the desk. This was happening much sooner than he wanted. It seemed that he and Tammy would be going to Cozy's Bar in Eagleton tonight.

_Wednesday Evening_

"Ron, why won't you tell me where we're going?" Tammy asked for what felt like the thousandth time. They were in the car on the way to an undisclosed location. Tammy didn't like surprises. Spontaneity was one thing, but it was hard for Tammy not to know what to expect in a given situation, especially since she was working so hard to be a better person for Ron.

"We are going to Eagleton. To a bar. Where I need to you call on all of your powers of self-restraint and control."

"But why?"

Ron sighed. This was probably a huge mistake, but the call was rather last minute, and the bar was in a bind, and they did treat him really well when he was there, and the rest of the guys were on board. Ron couldn't very well back out because his girlfriend wasn't ready for it. He could have left her at home, but she would have asked too many questions. It was easier this way. Hopefully it wouldn't blow up in his face.

They parked at Cozy's Bar. As they walked in, Ron told Tammy to sit at the bar and order whatever she wanted and tell the bartender to put it on Duke's tab. She had no idea what he was talking about, but decided it wasn't worth the effort to ask.

Ron hurried backstage and grabbed his sax, sunglasses and fedora. Duke Silver was ready to perform. The Duke walked onstage to the sound of screaming women. This never got old. He welcomed everyone to this last minute performance of the Duke Silver Trio and began to play.

Tammy watched in a mild state of shock. What the hell was going on? Ron played saxophone? And he was in a jazz band? What the hell!?

A woman sat down at the bar beside Tammy and struck up a conversation. "Isn't he amazing? I come here every time he performs."

"And how often is that?" Tammy asked, trying to be nonchalant. Ron wasn't kidding when he said she would have to use every ounce of control. She was pissed.

"He's been playing here about once a month for the last few years. Gosh, it's been almost ten years by now! Geez. He's not usually here on Wednesdays, but the regular Wednesday act cancelled, so Duke is filling in. One of my girlfriends told me about it, and we just rushed right over! My god, his music is just so sexy. If he ever even spoke to me, I would just die."

This woman was extremely obnoxious. Tammy was very close to scratching her eyes out.

But the woman just wouldn't shut up, flipping her highlighted blonde hair this way and that, adjusting the dress that was far too tight on her middle-aged body. "So are you a fan of Duke Silver? I mean, how could you not be?" she gushed.

"Oh he's just peachy," Tammy said acerbically over the applause. Ron had finished his first number and the fans were very appreciative.

When the cheering died down, he spoke into the microphone. "We've got a tune for you now that's one of my favorites. And I want to dedicate it to the woman I love. You know who you are, baby."

He turned and spoke to the other two in the band, and they began to play As Time Goes By, the song Tammy had sung while washing dishes a few days before. It was very sweet of him, and for a moment, Tammy forgot how mad she was about all the women fawning over her man or the fact that he had kept this from her for so long. If Ron had been doing this for almost ten years, that meant he probably started when they were still married. At that realization, a new wave of rage swept over Tammy, almost bowling her over. If she didn't keep it under wraps, things would get bad. Very bad. Very quickly.

Tammy ordered a whiskey sour and downed it quickly before rushing out of the bar. Ron watched her from the stage and nearly dropped his sax. What the hell was she doing? He told her to be good, and this was the crap she pulled? He should have known something like this would happen.

"Ladies and gents, we're going to take a quick break, but hang tight and we'll get back to this sweet jazz in just a moment." Duke made the announcement and made his way through the hoard of women to the door.

Tammy was outside, using one of her shoes to beat his car.

"TAMMY!" he shouted, "What the hell!?"

She turned around and started screaming at him. "I'm attacking your car to keep from attacking you! How could you do this to me? After all the shit I've gone through for you, for _us_, you pull something like this?"

"What did I do? You're the one pummeling my car!"

Tammy dropped her shoe and slumped over against the car. She spoke in a low voice that was full of pain. "Why did you think this was okay? What in that big dumb head of yours said that I could handle this?"

Ron moved closer to her now that she was calmer and quieter. "Tammy, what's the big deal?"

She sighed angrily. "The big deal, _Duke_, is that there's a bar full of women in there begging for you to be with them. They are obsessed with you! And they have no idea that you belong to me."

"Did you just say that I belong to you?" he asked. This time Ron started to get annoyed. Who was she to own him, like he was only around to be her love slave? Weren't they passed this?

"Yes! You're mine and I'm yours. That's what a relationship is. You're my man. I don't want anyone else, and you aren't supposed to want any other woman!"

"I don't want any other woman!"

"Oh is this Ron Swanson talking or Duke Silver? Because there's a whole other side to you that I knew nothing about. You're hiding an entire identity and career from me!"

Ron sighed. She did have a point. Maybe it wasn't right for him to keep Duke Silver from her. But Ron Swanson was not the sexy jazz saxophone player that Duke could be. And he liked it. "I should have told you. But if it makes you feel better, you're one of only four other people who know."

It did make her feel a little better. And it did make sense that Ron wasn't excited to tell people about this. It was a little ridiculous and quite out of character for him. But it didn't help the fact that he did keep it from her when she had no secrets from her. "How long has this been going on?"

He mumbled something.

"What was that?"

"Since 2003."

"So you started doing this when we were still married."

Ron nodded and stared at his feet, ashamed. He knew where she was going with this.

If Tammy was mad and hurt before, it was nothing compared to this moment. "I knew something was going on. I always knew that last year of our marriage that you were hiding something from me. I thought it was another woman. That's why I cheated on you, Ron! I thought you were having an affair! And when I found out you weren't, I was so guilty that I had hurt you like that. Our marriage ended because I was unfaithful, but you were pulling away from me too." Tammy shoved her foot back into her shoe and walked away into the dark night.

Ron wasn't finished with her yet. He chased after her and grabbed her by the arm. "And why do you think I pulled away, Tammy? I'll tell you why. Because you're a crazy bitch! You're a parasite that attacks my brain and my heart and my life. I love you, Tammy, because I can't help myself. But you ruin everything you touch." He shoved her arm back to her body and turned around. He had a show to get back to. He didn't have time to deal with more of Tammy's bullshit right now.

Tammy started to cry. She shouted back at Ron as he walked away, her voice cracking with emotion. "For years I blamed myself for the end of our relationship, and you did too. But it wasn't all my fault! And here I was, trying so hard to make up for everything I've ever done, and I was just blind to the fact that I'm not the only one to blame. Now I see. I can't be the only one who tries, Ron. Not anymore."

Ron stopped in his tracks when heard her words and immediately knew that she was right. He blamed her for everything without really making the effort on his end. What he just did was mean. He needed to apologize. He turned to go back to her, but she was gone. The street was dark, and Tammy could have gone in any direction.

Thoroughly frustrated at the whole thing, Ron kicked the side of his car before going back into the bar. He had a set to finish, and he finished it. The fans were slightly disappointed. Duke Silver played without his usual flair. He still looked sexy and the music was great, but something was missing. It was all a bit of a letdown.

Ron screwed up, and he knew it. He needed to find Tammy and figure this out. But he had no idea what to say to her. What he needed right now was a friend. He sat in his car with the key in the ignition for a long time, hoping the solution would come to him without him having to do what he was dreading, or else waiting for Tammy to show up and get back in the car with him. But neither of those things was happening. With a frustrated groan, he turned the key and drove back to Pawnee, to the home of his best friend, as loathed as he was to do it.

_Wednesday Night_

Ron told the story of the entire evening to Leslie. He tried to explain without mentioning Duke Silver but quickly realized that his alter ego was a big part of the problem. He had to give Leslie credit though. She did not react to Duke Silver in the least. Most people either laughed or were speechless. Or both.

Leslie listened carefully to everything Ron said, trying her best to keep her thoughts about Duke Silver, saxophone sex god of Eagleton, to herself. The entire situation was a mess, and there was certainly fault on both sides.

"So here's how I see it, Ron. Tammy is connecting Duke Silver to the failure of your marriage, which seems fair. And you feel really guilty about the fact that, according to her, your secret identity, which you kept from your wife, was in fact one of the reasons your marriage ended. But I think both of you know that she did a lot to ruin your relationship as well, probably more than anything else. The thing is, she's trying to make up for it, and she doesn't see you making the same effort. She just sees you putting all the blame on her, when tonight made her realize that it isn't completely her fault. Does that seem right to you?"

Ron stared at the carpet while she spoke, knowing she was right on every count. "Yes," he said simply.

"Okay, so what are you gonna do about it?"

"You tell me. That's why I'm here."

"Ron, I can't tell you what to do. It's your relationship. I will say that you need to talk to her and not be such an ass next time. I talked to her today and she had a lot of really lovely things to say about you and your relationship. She cares about you and wants things to work out with you guys. So go talk to her and stay calm and don't let her make you angry again."

He sighed. "How do you want me to talk to her when I don't even know where she is?"

Leslie frowned. "What do you mean you don't know where she is?"

"She walked out of the parking lot, and I went back in the bar to finish my set. When I came out, she wasn't around."

"She probably called a cab or something. Just go to her place. I'm sure she's there waiting for you."

"I don't know where she lives."

Leslie stared at him. "How do you not know where she lives?"

"When Tammy and I got divorced, I didn't expect to see her ever again. Then, thanks to you, we got back together a few times. We were always in a motel until this weekend when we were at my house. She always had me drop her back at her car, which she kept parked at the library. I don't know where Tammy lives."

Ben entered the room, exclaiming, "Wait, you're here because of Tammy? That crazy lady we rescued you from in _jail_ a few years ago?"

"Yes, Ben," Leslie answered in an exasperated tone. "Ron and Tammy are back together. But she's better now. Not crazy."

"Aren't you the one who called her a horny book pusher from hell?" he asked.

"Oh she still is," Ron assured him. "But now she's nice."

Ben didn't seem convinced. "Okay…Leslie, I'm going to bed. Should I make up the guest room for Ron?"

"Not necessary, sir. I'll be out of your home soon, and you can have your fiancée back," Ron answered.

With a smile, Ben told him, "You know, if I ever need to wake Leslie in the middle of the night again, I'll call you up."

Ben shared a salute with Ron and left the room. Ron turned back to Leslie. "So that's all you've got for me? Talk to her and don't get angry?"

"Yes. Talk to her and don't get angry. And don't let her get angry either. I think you might actually have to talk about the real reasons your marriage ended to begin with. Because I don't think she's going to give up until you take at least some blame for that."

"Ugh," Ron groaned, "This is stupid!"

"Relationships are stupid, Ron. If you think you'd be happier alone, you can break up with her. Just be happy, whatever you want to do."

He stood up and held out his hand. "Right. Well, I'll go now. Sorry to bother you so late."

"Ron, you woke me up in the middle of the night. I'm going to hug you now."

She came to embrace him quickly, despite his protests.

Ron Swanson drove home at nearly two in the morning, wishing he weren't going to bed alone. He also wished he knew where Tammy was, but knowing her, she was just fine, probably plotting her revenge at that very moment.

_Thursday Morning_

Tammy did indeed call a cab back to Pawnee. She picked up her car and drove home, in a terrible rage the entire time. To her credit, however, she did resist the urge to make out with the cab driver out of spite. If her relationship with Ron wasn't over already, that would have been the final nail in the coffin. But Tammy wasn't about to give up so easily. Still, she was perfectly happy to stay mad for a while.

She got to work very early and sat quietly at her desk, trying to decide what to do. What could possibly make her feel better? Tammy called one of the pencil pushers of the Library Department into her office.

"Phil, we need to talk."

The middle-aged man sat down, unaware of what was about to befall him.

"Phil, I hate you. In fact, I hate all men. You're all sneaky and dishonest, and while those are traits I greatly respect in a person, men don't have the balls to own up to what they do. So you're fired."

"You're firing me because you hate men?" he asked, shocked at such an act.

"That's why I'm firing you right now. But I'm mostly firing you because we have security footage of you stealing from the cash box where we collect library fines. Now get out of my office before I slam your penis in an encyclopedia."

He stood up and turned to go.

"Wait, hang on," Tammy said, standing and going around the desk to him. She grabbed one of her self-inking stamps off her desk and punched it onto his forehead. Phil's face now read 'REJECTED' in shiny black letters. "Okay, now go."

Tammy sat back at her desk with a smile. Much better. But she still felt rotten. One firing was nice, but maybe it was time to clean house with the whole department. She pulled a file out of a drawer in her desk. The folder was full of every little bit of dirt on every single library employee. She kept this around for days like this when she really needed the pick-me-up. With a sadistic grin, she called Louis into her office. He had four sexual harassment complaints against him. Maybe she could do this one with a rant about how emotional fidelity was just as important as physical fidelity to a marriage. Or perhaps she could work in a song. That might be fun.

This was shaping into a rather amusing day.

_Thursday Afternoon_

Leslie made her way into the Parks Department after lunch. She spent the morning in an emergency City Council session due to a clerical error that indicated that funds were being embezzled. Luckily the issue was cleared up, but it did take half the day. After all, when does anything in government get resolved quickly and easily and without at least one meeting of a group of bureaucrats?

She went to check in with Ron, seeing as the last time she saw him—not twelve hours earlier—had been at her house when he needed to talk to her. Leslie was honored and thrilled that she was the person he came to with a problem. It was nice that he realized how good a friend she could be.  
"So how did it go with Tammy? Everything back to normal? Or…back to whatever you guys have?"

Ron looked up at her with his usual stoic expression. "Haven't seen her yet."

"You haven't seen her yet? But I thought you were going to talk to her first thing in the morning?"

"Leslie, I told you I don't know where she lives. What was I supposed to do? Ambush her office and have that conversation in the middle of the Library Department?"

"True. Nothing important should ever happen at the library. That place breeds discord and pain," Leslie said in agreement.

Ron leaned back in his chair and put his arms behind his head. "Besides, why should I be the one to apologize? I'm always the one who apologizes?"

Leslie gave him a surprised look. "When have you ever apologized when not under the threat of violence?"

He rolled his eyes. "Plenty of times."

"How many times have you apologized to her in order to get more sex?"

Ron's eyes immediately were cast downward. "A lot…" he mumbled.

"That's what I thought," Leslie said, sitting down by Ron's desk. "You don't want to apologize because you're too proud. But you know what? If you don't want to lose her, you _need_ to talk to her. Because she just might be upset enough to not come back to you."

Ron sat up quickly. "Wait, do you really think she might leave?"

"Based on what you told me? I'd say she's pretty hurt. And no matter how much better she's been doing, you can't deny that Tammy is strong-willed and very prone to overreacting."

With a frustrated groan, Ron held his face in his hands for a moment before looking back at Leslie. "I'm not going to the library."

"No one is asking you to. But you've gotta talk to her."

"Fine. Thank you."

Leslie stood up and left the office with a nod. They would work it out. Hopefully. Ron was really attached this time. And not the crazy kind of attached that went away, but really truly happy and in love. After all the trouble Ron had with his various girlfriends, he and Tammy deserved to be together. Leslie could only pray that they would work it out.

She sat in her office, ignoring whatever Tom was saying, and staring off into space. Ron and Tammy were useless. Obviously. And Leslie knew from experience that get involved in other people's business was always rewarding and successful. Why not do that now?


	7. Chapter 7

_Thursday Afternoon_

Tammy's office phone rang, a shrill interruption to her otherwise delightful day of firing people.

"Tammy Swanson."

"Don't talk to Leslie."

She sighed. Ron's first attempt to contact her after their huge fight consisted of a phone call telling her not to talk to Leslie? As though Tammy's first thought was going to be to talk to Leslie Knope? Ridiculous.

Tammy was about to respond when the phone beeped in her ear. "Hang on. I've got call waiting." She switched lines. "Tammy Swanson."

Leslie Knope's voice came over in its usual bright, enthusiastic tone. "Hi Tammy. Listen, I was hoping we could talk if you aren't too busy right now."

"I'm sorry Leslie, but I've got Ron on the other line telling me not to talk to you." Tammy smiled at the absurdity of it all.

"Wait what? Why? What did he say? Hold on." Leslie's line disconnected. She was probably going to walk across the department to talk to Ron in person.

With the push of a few buttons, Tammy returned to Ron. "Leslie called. Wanted to talk. I told her you said not to. Is that all you wanted from me?"

"No, but she's coming over here right now, so I'll talk to you later. Can I come over after work?"

"To my apartment? Um…sure, if you really want to." Tammy gave him her address. Ron grunted in some sort of agreement or understanding and hung up the phone.

Tammy sat at her desk and stared at her bowl of paperclips. What a strange day this was turning into. As mad as she still was at Ron, hearing from him was nice. She missed him. It was utterly absurd that she could be so angry at the man, but melt at the sound of his voice. Just one more reason why love was stupid. She was going to have to remember how much she loved him and how much she wanted and needed him in her life when he came over that night. Otherwise, she was just going to get mad and hurt again, which would likely lead to Tammy ripping out Ron's mustache. Or doing something equally twisted to hurt him.

_Friday Morning_

Ron awoke suddenly looking at an unfamiliar ceiling. As he became more aware of his surroundings, the night before came flooding back, and he smiled. An aggressive buzzing nearby alerted him to the reason for his sudden waking. His cell phone was ringing.

"Hello?" he said groggily.

"Ron, where are you? Hospital? Prison? Are you okay?" Leslie Knope sounded frantic.

"Leslie, why are you calling so early?"

"Early? Ron, it's after ten!"

He sat up in bed and realized she was correct. "Oh. I went to sleep really late. Sorry. I'll be in as soon as I can."

"That's fine, Ron. But what happened last night? Where are you?"

"I'm at Tammy's."

"So? How did it go?"

With a sly grin, he responded, "It went great, if I do say so myself." Beside him in bed, Tammy pulled the sheet over her naked form and giggled.

"You talked?" Leslie asked.

"And other stuff."

"Oh gross. I don't wanna hear about your weird sex stuff, Ron. How many times do I have to tell you?"

Ron rolled his eyes. "Goodbye, Leslie."

"So you're coming into work later?"

"As soon as I find my pants."

"Oh my god." Leslie hung up the phone.

Ron threw his phone back onto the side table and turned to gaze at Tammy. There she lay, in all her naked glory. Never in the world was there a more beautiful sight. She looked at him expectantly, eyebrows raised, with a curious smile. With a masculine sort of noise issuing from his mouth, Ron reached over and pulled her toward him. She squealed but was soon silenced when Ron's mouth covered hers.

They made out for a while. When they broke for air, Tammy pulled herself away from him and sat up. "Hang on a second, Ron."

"What did I do now?"

She laughed. "Nothing, baby. I just want to clear a couple of things up. So we're fine?"

"I think we pretty much covered it last night."

"I'm just trying to clarify."

"Yes, we're fine. It's what we do now. We're Ron and Tammy. And we're fine and normal and happy."

Tammy smiled widely. "Well if that's true, then we really have to stop these late nights during the week. We're both over an hour late to work. We can't very well have a nice, normal relationship if everything other than our sex life starts to slip out of our concern."

Ron nodded. "Duly noted. Is that all?"

"Yes…" she responded cautiously. He had a strange look in her eyes.

"Good." Ron lunged forward and continued where they left off.

Tammy's cackle echoed throughout her building. The few people who were home at 10:30 really hoped the crazy lady in 9C would go back to where she came from. She had been gone for one whole glorious, quiet, peaceful month, and now two weeks with her around was really starting to wear on people. Little did they know, she would be gone sooner than they thought.

_Thursday Night_

Ron parked his car in front of a large apartment complex on the other side of Pawnee. It looked surprisingly nice, probably because it was so close to Eagleton. He took the elevator up to the ninth floor feeling nervous. It was as if he hadn't seen Tammy in years. He didn't know what kind of mood she was going to be in. She seemed pleasant enough on the phone that morning, but that was no real indicator for how she was really feeling. Ron just prayed he wouldn't screw this up.

He knocked on the door and Tammy opened it within seconds. His heart skipped a beat. She looked fantastic. Her hair was pulled up into a messy up-do and she wore a sweatshirt, zipped down to reveal her ample cleavage. He doubted she was wearing a shirt under that. She wore tight lounge pants and bare feet. She had very nice feet, Ron couldn't help but note to himself. Really, Tammy had nice everything.

Tammy stood there in the doorway while he stared at her. She couldn't quite understand why he wasn't saying or doing anything. After an awkward amount of silence, she asked, "Do you want to come in?"

Ron cleared his throat and nodded, and he followed her into the apartment. It was small and quite bare. He didn't like it. It felt cold, like a waiting room. "Did you just move in?"

"I've been here six years."

"Oh. Well there's just not a lot in here. No pictures or anything."

Tammy sat in a black leather armchair and pointed Ron to the matching sofa. She shrugged, replying, "I don't need a whole lot. I left most of the stuff I liked with you when we got divorced the first time. It's hard for me to have a lot around here that reminds me of you."

Ron looked around and felt very uncomfortable. "You need a coffee table."

"I've got the ottoman. It's fine."

"No, you need a coffee table. I just got a shipment of walnut. I'll make you one."

Tammy smiled. "Thank you. That would be nice."

Another awkward silence, which Tammy eventually broke. "This is weird. Polite and civil and weird. Did you come here for a reason, Ron?"

"Yes, obviously. We need to talk about last night. And a lot of other stuff. Can we…do that?"

She rolled her eyes. "Sure. Go ahead, Ron, let's talk about how you blame me for everything that has ever gone wrong in our relationship. Let's talk about how it's my fault that you've been alone and miserable for the last ten years. And go ahead and blame me for everything else bad in the world." Tammy's voice was wrought with sarcasm.

He looked at her carefully. "Are you mad? Because you aren't trying to kill me."

"Oh I'm beyond mad. And I'm not going to try to kill you. I don't do that anymore, remember?" It was true. She was so far past the point of simply being angry at him. She could barely keep from screaming and crying. How could he just sit there when her heart was breaking? All the effort she had gone to for him, and he was just going to throw it away.

"I don't blame you for everything. I used to, sure, but you made me see that it isn't all your fault. You've always been manipulative and sneaky, but I always knew who you were. You didn't hide parts of yourself from me. I wasn't honest about myself to you. Duke Silver is a part of me that I didn't share with you, and that's not what couples should do."

Tammy blinked at him in disbelief. "Are you…apologizing to me?"

"Yes, Tammy. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, and I'm sorry I hid it from you. And I'm sorry that something so stupid is pulling us apart."

She glared. "The fact that I no longer trust you isn't stupid, Ron."

"Well what the hell do you want me to do? Go back in time and fix it? If so, then I think you should take the first trip to the past because your list is longer than mine!" Ron was starting to get agitated. His voice was getting louder and harder, but he tried to keep it at bay.

This was all getting to be a bit much for Tammy. She stood up and started shouting, "So this is it? You're going to bring up everything I've ever done wrong until we both die, bitter and angry? I wanted us to start over. I wanted to give us a chance because I love you and I want to be with you, but if you can't get over the past, just leave. Just leave me now before I invest anymore time or energy on you. I can't spend the rest of my life making up for mistakes I've made."

"Are you breaking up with me?" he asked, slightly stunned at her outburst.

Tammy had tears streaming down her face but she laughed a little. "Are you kidding? When have I ever broken up with you? Don't you get it, Ron? I can't end this. I never could. _You _filed for divorce, twice. _You_ broke up with me. _You _stay away from me. But _I_ always track you down. _I_ always convince you to get back with me. _I_ have yet to find a stable relationship that wasn't with you. You've tried to be happy without me. I can't do it. I've gone to all this trouble to try to change because no matter what I do, you are the one who leaves me. I just didn't want you to leave me anymore."

Ron was dumbstruck. There was a lot of emotion pouring out of the woman in front of him. She was sobbing and shaking, and he didn't know what to do. "Don't you hate me? Just a little bit?"

"I wish I could hate you like you hated me for so long. But I can't do it! I can't…I can't…" Her words were coming in hitched sobs now.

He couldn't take it anymore. This was just way too much. He crossed the room and put his arms around her, holding her tight. She tried to fight him off, kicking and scratching, but Ron Swanson was very experienced with this type of behavior. He pinned her arms at her sides and lifted her in the air so her feet couldn't swing back and kick him where it would really hurt. She was screaming and crying, but Ron didn't relent. Eventually she cried herself into exhaustion and stopped resisting.

"Are you done now?" he asked.

Tammy nodded, sniffing back the residual tears.

Ron carried her to the sofa and lay down, holding her close to him. He spoke softly as he wiped her tears away with the handkerchief he always kept in his pocket. "This all got a little out of hand. I love you and I really want this to work. I don't want to leave you. I never want to leave you. The only reason I do is to preserve my own sanity and life. But that's not going to be a problem this time. I don't want to go back to hating you and blaming you for everything. We're starting fresh, right now. Sure, we have history, but we aren't going to reopen old issues. We're gonna be together forever. Ron and Tammy, like it's supposed to be."

She looked deep into his bright blue eyes. They sparkled with total adoration and faith. "Really, baby?"

"Really. Listen, I went to Leslie's house in the middle of the night and woke her up because I was so sure I had totally screwed up our relationship last night. I don't wanna lose you. I want us to spend the rest of our lives together."

"I love you, Ron Swanson." Tammy smiled and kissed him softly.

"I love you, too. But I really hate this apartment. Can you please move back into the house so I don't have to come here anymore?"

She laughed. "I thought you were gonna make me a coffee table?"

"And I will. For our place."

Tammy had nothing more to say. She expertly divested Ron and herself of their clothing, beginning what ended up being a very long and extremely satisfying evening.

_Epilogue_

Ron and Tammy moved in together as soon as she could get out of her lease. They argued no more than any other couple but made up twice as well and twice as often. All in all, they were deliciously happy.

Six months later, they were married. For the third time. A justice of the peace came to their home and married them on the thirteenth anniversary of their first wedding. Due to their fragmented relationships with their families (Ron's brothers had all slept with Tammy at one point or another, and Ron once dated Tammy's sister out of spite, and Ron's mother couldn't be in the same room with Tammy without trying to kill her), the only guests were the entire Parks Department along with Ben Wyatt and Chris Traeger. Leslie was matron of honor because no one else would do it, and Ben was best man because he was the only male Ron knew who didn't make him want to punch them in the face on a regular basis. The ceremony was traditional and beautiful. Duke Silver played the reception and Tammy sang. A good time was had by all.

They honeymooned at Ron's cabin in the woods. After three days of nonstop love-making, Ron had a question for his wife.

"We have a lot of sex."

She laughed. "Yes we do. Are you complaining?"

"No, never. But I was just wondering: why have you never gotten pregnant? Because I don't know about you, but I don't always use protection in the heat of the moment."

"So you want to know if I'm either too old to get pregnant or else had my tubes tied?"

"I didn't really think it through that far, but yeah, I guess so."

Tammy smiled. It was a wonder that after so many years of this behavior that they never had this conversation before. "The answer is that I am not too old, and I have not had my tubes tied. I'm just very, very careful. Don't worry about it, baby."

Ron considered a moment. "So you could get pregnant if you wanted to?"

"Well if _we_ wanted to, yeah. But you don't want kids, so it isn't a problem. Can we just pick up where we left off?" she asked, lunging at him.

He dodged her. "Do you want kids?"

She just rolled her eyes. "My god, why are we even talking about this? You don't like children and have never ever wanted them."

"But I want to know if you want kids."

"Why?"

Ron shrugged. He really wasn't sure why he wanted to know. It was true; he never wanted children. But maybe if Tammy was the mother, he could be a good father. After all, they were very happily married. Maybe they could be parents.

Tammy knew she wasn't going to get a response from him. "I don't know if I really want kids. I never wanted to be a single mom, and until now, that's all I was ever going to be. But I don't know, Ron. If you wanted to try, I think we could do a good job raising a kid."

"I think I want to try."

She smiled widely, not realizing until this moment how much she really did want to have babies with Ron. "Well alright then. Starting now, no birth control. If it happens, it happens. But if my family is anything to go by, I think I'm very fertile."

And boy was she right. Exactly ten months later, Tammy gave birth to twins: Jack Henry Swanson after Ron's father and grandfather, and Julia Leslie Swanson, after Tammy's grandmother and the woman who made Ron and Tammy's relationship possible.

As Ron sat in the hospital room, watching his wife and children sleep, he had no idea that a person could be so happy and full of love. They were all so beautiful.

So contrary to what everyone in the world might have ever thought, Ron and Tammy got their happy ending. And no one got assaulted or went to jail.

**The End**


End file.
